One of the things I value most about the privilege of producing this newsletter each month is the chance to reflect on what my clients are telling me – their challenges, concerns, and obstacles – and to repackage my coaching to them in a way that resonates with my readership.
Almost universally, my clients are adult children tasked with the well-being of their aging parents. They are almost always stressed to the nines. Managing their own journey through middle age can be rough enough, but layering on the stressors that come with being responsible for a parent in crisis can create a whole new world of hurt.
While each situation is unique, my advice to them is almost always the same – to find a way to unplug. Every day. Even if for a short while.
Simple advice, for sure. But heeding this advice can be far from simple.
We ALL need Downtime
The fact is that all of us live stressful lives – with money, work, family, and health concerns topping the list of things Gen-X and Baby Boomers worry about the most.
And yes – I’m going to say it out loud – the holidays can make things worse.
In case you’re wondering, here’s a few startling statistics from the American Psychological Association as of August 2022:
- 27% of people say that most days they are so stressed that they cannot function at all.
- 57% of people feel paralyzed at least once every day due to stress.
- 67% of US workers are considering quitting their job to avoid work-related stress.
- 76% of adults have experienced health impacts due to stress in the past month alone.
So, if you’re having some trouble dealing with stress in your life, know that you are clearly not alone.
Connectivity is Killing Us
The impact of stress on our lives has increased markedly over the past 2 decades, and this increase is statistically correlated to the proliferation of mobile devices and the intrusiveness of these devices on our lives.
The average person in this country spends 3 hours and 15 minutes on their phone every day. Even worse, more than 1 in 5 smartphone users spends more than 4.5 hours on their phones every day. These numbers are, to put it bluntly, insane.
Think you’re better than this? After reading this newsletter, I’d urge you to go into your iPhone settings and click on “Screen Time”. What you see next might shock you.
One could argue that some of this usage is beneficial to us, and that’s undoubtedly true. But I think we all know that much of our smartphone use brings us additional stress, reduces our overall productivity, decreases our feeling of self-satisfaction, and renders it impossible for us to clear our heads.
We are always “on”, and we were not designed to be this way. We need to find time to unplug from technology, and we need to do it every single day.
Think you can’t afford to unplug? Too much going on in your life? Too many people relying on you? Shouldering too much responsibility? Before you answer, consider that some of the world’s most productive and influential people intentionally and religiously unplug from technology for a part of their day. Jeff Weiner, Arianna Huffington, Joe Rogan, and Oprah Winfrey are just a few such individuals who have publicly extolled the virtues of unplugging, but the truth is that most Fortune 500 CEOs would echo the same. If the world’s busiest people can do it, so can you.
So how to best go about breaking the “always on” cycle? Here’s a few suggestions that have worked for my clients, and I think might work for you, too.
Bookend your Downtime
There’s nothing worse than waking up in the morning, checking your phone, and seeing a flurry of emails, notifications, and meeting requests that immediately invoke negative thoughts and set a bad tone for your day. So don’t do it!
Instead, navigate your morning routine without your phone. Get ready for your day, have your breakfast and morning coffee, breathe deeply, utter some words of gratitude, and maybe even spend a few minutes outdoors in the morning sunlight. It’s amazing how the feeling of setting off on the right foot can extend throughout your day.
Repeat a similar process in the evening. Rather than ending your day checking emails or scrolling through social media, put your phone down, chill out, breathe deeply, and clear your head before it hits the pillow. You’ll sleep better and be better prepared to face tomorrow’s challenges.
Find your Own Distraction
No matter how busy my work schedule might be on any given day, I have always found it cathartic to spend some time working on (or at least thinking about) a side project, hobby, or personal interest. This change of gears seems to help break the daily stress cycle and provides a bit of time each day to which I look forward. The key here is to do it without my phone handy.
For many folks, going to the gym is a great example of this. Prioritizing gym time every day? Awesome! But next time try leaving your phone in your locker or gym bag.
Spending some time in nature is another great distraction, and one with lots of side benefits. But try to do it without your phone.
Not long ago, I mistakenly left my phone at home while on a Friday night dinner date with my husband, Bill. Being without my phone felt a bit uneasy at first but turned out to be a fantastic way for us to better connect after a long week. Now, one of us always leaves their phone at home when we go out to dinner. I suggest you try it!
Push Back on Notifications
Communication has evolved quite a bit over the last few years, and there are now plenty of forms of synchronous communications – calls, texts, Teams/Slack messages, etc. – that folks can use to get in touch with you urgently. Emails are no longer expected to solicit an immediate reply. So, you no longer need to be notified every time an email hits your inbox. Nor, for that matter, do you need to know when a Facebook friend makes a post or when a new coupon is available in an App. That’s crazy talk!
Turn off your push notifications on all but the most critical applications and enjoy some newfound peace and quiet.
Don’t Mix Food and Tech
I’d highly suggest putting your phone on silent setting and keeping it out of arm’s reach during meals. Do this, and you’ll notice you’ll eat more slowly and thoughtfully (and thus consume less), you’ll have better conversations, you’ll enjoy better digestion, and you might even find some additional time for creative thought. In fact, some of my best ideas have found their way into my brain during meals. Give it a try!
